Breaking Point

Everyone has their breaking point. That one thing that pushes them into action. It can be when that favorite pair of jeans stops fitting right. Or when you notice you're out of breath from doing something like walking up a flight of stairs. Sometimes it's when someone makes a comment. And once in awhile it happens when you finally look in the mirror. Like really look. Clothes off, lights on, so this is what the world sees when they look at me, looking.
I've always been curvy... ok curvy is putting a nice spin on my bumps and lumps... but for the sake of conversation, I've always been curvy. Sometimes my hips bulge out of my jeans. Sometimes my thighs are too big for the shorts I want to wear. Sometimes my tummy jiggles. Ok, a lot of the time, my tummy jiggles. But never have I been large enough to have a fold.
So let me do some Jiggley Mommy definitions for ya:

• Jiggley: parts of the body that may move on their own. Or that keep moving after intentional movement has stopped. It can also be when your have a crazy dance party and you shake all the parts of your body at the same time.
• Curves: Nice, rounded lines of the body.
• Bumps and Lumps: When curves have babies - when the flowing rounded lines of the body become a little less fluid and well... lumpy.
• Fold: When two Bumps and/or Lumps expand and start to hang out...or when one Bump and/or Lump expands and hangs OVER another...

Back to me being curvy. Ok, so in recent years I've been more bumpy and lumpy than curvy, but it is what it is. The other day I was stressing about getting my picture taken - like most mum's I'm behind the camera about 98% of the time. I undressed and stood in the middle of my room and looked at all the clothes that are no longer in season or fashion, all the clothes that don't fit properly, all the cheap 'this will do until I lose the weight' clothes, all the maternity clothes or clothes I could wear when I was pregnant... none of it made me feel good. None of it was even remotely close to pulling on a pair of special jeans that just make you feel HOT. No shirt or tunic or sweater that sufficiently camouflaged my plus sized figure. And then I noticed it. An almost fold. Not a 'sitting down so my body has extra rolls and bulges and what-have-yous'. Nope. A fold on my hip, where the bump of my stretched out belly meets the lump of my [oh so favorite part of my body] hip. Not quite an overhang, but... a fold.
It was like a slap. Sharp. Fast. To the point. It's time to make my health more of a priority. It's time to stop making excuses and getting down about no results. It's time to reach out for support, to ask for help and accountability. It's time to show myself that I CAN do it, if I just TRY. Breaking point, reached.

Big Bootie Girl

Before puberty I was always the smallest. I was short (ok, I still am) and pretty skinny. Then BAM! My boobs, my hips and my butt started to grow... I was super excited to get boobs. But they sorta stopped, but the bum and hips didn't. Since then I've always really disliked my lower body. It's taken YEARS of crash dieting and extremely poor body image for me to finally come to grips with things. THIS is my body. This is my body shape and it doesn't matter how much I work out or how little I eat or anything - THIS is the body I got. As round and unporportional as it is. I've just got to deal with it.
Now that isn't a complete "get out of jail free" card. Just because I'm aware that my body will never be super model skinny or have "hips like a boy" (which is something I've always really wanted), doesn't mean I should stop working towards healthy. I may be pear shaped... but I'm not healthy pear shaped right now. I'm still overweight. I'm lumpy. I'm jiggley. But under all that are some pretty great CURVES, that I've been ashamed of for so many years. Well I'm sorry curves!
This is my new goal; LOVE who I am, curves and weird hair and wonky eyes and stretch marks and ALL. I will break out of my fat, self imposed, prison and flaunt my beautiful curves again.

First Steps

So now that I am post pregnancy, I know it's time to step up my game and get rid of the jiggle. Having an infant definitely puts a little bit of a speed bump on my path to skinny; he wants to eat anywhere between every hour to every 3 hours. And you never really know which it'll be until he starts eying up my boobs and making his ever so cute little grunt/fuss/screech. Add to that, with my hubby working away, it's just me and the boys ALL.THE.TIME. Sawyer is a little bit young for a teenage babysitter (in my opinion) and my mum isn't available often.
Excuse. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
I can come up with a dozen more, if you'd like. But I won't. Because really, these excuses don't really matter to anyone else. They only matter to me, and only then they matter because I let them hold me back. I know I'm not alone here - there are thousands of women who let their kids or lack of time for themselves hold them back. So how can we move past it?
First things first; WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, IN GETTING HEALTHY?
Is it losing weight? Or getting stronger? Do you want to start eating better, cleaner? Do you want to be able to run or even walk without getting winded? Or do you want to show your kids that being active is important? Do you want to do something alone or with a group? With your kids or without? What about your partner? This is the first step.
What's important to me? I want to lose weight. I want to be stronger. I want to eat better; I want my family to eat better. I want to do something FOR ME, without having a child hanging off my leg or my arm or my boob. First step complete - onto the second; Translating what's important to me, into an action plan.

3.5 lbs in one weekend

Three and a half pounds in one long weekend. I don't have excuses or tears or anything - I am just disappointed. We went to Vancouver to visit my family. We left Thursday at the crack of dawn and stayed until early Monday morning. It was a quick trip, loaded with trips to the aquarium and a parade, a baby shower, wine, and lots of time spent with my brother and his girls. It was lovely. But three and a half pounds?!
This is what I've discovered about myself; a) I am perfectly capable to taking a trip without eating greasy burger fast food all throughout (we caved ONLY once and on the LONGGG drive home) b) Carbs are not my friend - ok, well not all carbs 'cause some (the right carbs) are good - eating bagels every day for breakfast and doughy delicious deli sandwiches and pizza and pasta and coffee and and and... c) not eating enough really does cause you to gain weight.
You'd think if I was maxing out on 1000 calories a day and chasing after three little kidlets that I'd at least maintain, but NO. Almost everything that went into my mouth was a bad choice. Too little fuel + garbage fuel = 3 and 1/2 stinking, ugly, jiggley pounds. My body needs good fuel to work properly. It also needs enough fuel for the tasks I want it to preform. 1400 calories is really MY base minimum just so my organs can function properly, that doesn't even take into account chasing a two year old, going to the gym, riding my bike, or ANYTHING. If I'm eating under that then my body goes into starvation mode and holds onto every bad choice that finds my mouth. My hips are like a bitter ex; they never forget that donut that fell into my mouth and they take forever to get over it.
Back to it! Going to do a quick home workout tonight and than back to personal training tomorrow. Cross your fingers Jo doesn't make me cry and puke at the same time that she tortures every single muscle in my body.