Starting From Here

I often get discouraged with my lack of progress. My lack of progress if usually because I have a hard time sticking with something, because I feel like it's not working well enough and/or fast enough. Vicious cycle. I normally dive into something head first and want to be awesome at it right away. Rarely does that work out.
Take running for instance; I decide that I want to learn to love running (note, that I don't say I want to learn to run, because duh, running is instinctive and everyone can do it - it's ok if you roll your eyes at that). I jump on the treadmill, walk for about 30 seconds and then amp up my speed to 6 and RUN. And die about 30 seconds after that. What the...? Ok, let's try it again, walk for 2 minutes then RUN... for 45 seconds before my sloppy, panting, taste blood and ear ringing death occurs. Ok, so maybe I need to actually LEARN how to run, but that's not fun - SO SCREW YOU TREADMILL! I gave running about 2 months of spotty training before I gave up (again).
Something I need to constantly remind myself, especially after having a baby - I'm not where I was 3 years ago. I'm not where I was 2 years ago - but I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I was 4 years ago. I need to start where I am right now. Not where I was, and certainly not my unrealistic expectations on where I think I *should* be. So if I can run for 30 seconds, then I should practicing running WELL for 30 seconds, then once I've got that down, then maybe try to 45 seconds, then a minute, then 2 minutes, and so one. Eventually I'll be able to run better, faster, longer. Who cares if it's not tomorrow. It doesn't matter if I'm the fastest, the strongest, the 'fittest" - what matters is that I'm always striving to become a better version of my self.
So here I am STARTING (not starting over or starting again) where I am right now. Today, when the Jiggley Baby naps, I'm going to run for 30 seconds, 4 times. It doesn't matter how long I walk in between. That's it. That's where I am right now. 30 seconds is an attainable goal and I will ROCK IT!

Where is your starting point?

Wagon Faller-Offer

I am a wagon faller-offer. I feel like I'm in a constant cycle of climbing back up, starting again, slipping off, completely derailing myself, sitting in the mud feeling sorry for myself and then starting the whole business over again.
This week I have not touched my treadmill once. Well, that's a lie. I touched it... I turned the power off and put the key up high because I had kids playing in the basement. I went for a good walk with the boys, but once the once. This week has gone by in a blur and yet I don't think we were crazy over-busy like we sometimes get. I don't even have a little excuse for why I haven't done anything. And then on top of that we've eaten McGross, ordered delicious greasy pizza last night and I've eaten TWO bags of gluten-free cookies all to myself.

 

So this last week is a wash. My little whiney inner voice is pouting and stomping her feet. Should I let it get the better of me? Should I look at the scale, see how it's crept up, and then eat the rest of that pizza because I feel sorry for myself? Yes! NO! Today is as good as any other day TO START AGAIN. So what if last week sucked. It's done, I can't change it. Time to pull my big girl panties on and just do better. I am capable of making better choices. I am capable of finding the time to exercise. I am capable moving on. And maybe this is a relatively new one... I'm capable of FORGIVING myself. We all slip up. We all make mistakes or impulsive decisions. But I'm not beating myself up for it any longer. I won't let it live in my head and becomes yet another obstacle in my path to health (there are more than enough there already!).