OUR Sleep Training Method

I've been asked how we are going about sleep training with JiggleyBaby. So I thought I'd share with you the basics of what we're doing. Now before I begin, I need to throw this out there... I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. I am not a sleep expert, nor a doctor, nor a professional anything. So please take what I say with a grain of salt.
After my little public declaration of being tired of being tired, a friend suggested a book she got when her and her hubby started sleep training their little guy. She emailed me a copy and between sobs and sips of my baileys (with a splash of decaf), I power read it. Before I started this, I was not really feeling any sort of CIO (cry it out) method. I don't want my baby to be sad, or confused, or feeling abandoned.... but really?! There aren't too many mommy's out there that want that. That being said, there is crying involved in this method. I am not sure if there really truly is a way that you can teach your baby/toddler how to fall asleep on their own, without a little bit of crying. The difference is that you are in control of it, you aren't just walking away with a "deal with it, baby!" attitude. So anyways... here are the basics of what I got out of the book and the approach we're taking to sleep training.
Step 1:

• write down the pros and cons of sleep training
• make a contract with yourself and/or your partner
• will you leave the room or sit by the bed
• how long will you let your baby cry for
• will you focus on just naps, just bedtime or all sleep at once
• how long are you willing to give this a shot
• Decide on when you are going to start

Step 2 - The In's and Out's:

• Take away sleep 'props'. This was a big one for us. JiggleyBaby needed to nurse and be rocked in a dark, quiet room in order to fall asleep. None of those things were under his control - I was in charge of the boobs, I was in charge of the rocking, I made his room dark, and I shushed everyone into silence. So it's no wonder that when he woke during the night or after a 20 minute nap, he couldn't fall back to sleep - he needed me to get him there. So whether it's nursing/bottle or rocking or back tickles or a pacifier - if you are in control of their soothing, it's got to go.
• Introduce a lovey. A blankie or a special stuffie that they will always have in their bed, that they can cuddle or stroke or whatever they need/want to do to comfort them into sleep. This is not the same as a sleep prop, because the baby/toddler is in charge of the lovey. JiggleyBaby has a soft blankie and a scentsy elephant that he alternates cuddling with.
• Routine!!! Especially for the first few weeks, keep the same routine surround sleep times. The naptime routines don't need to be as long, but it's easier to fall asleep if you have a ritualized sleep schedule. It is VERY important to have a consistent bedtime routine - after a long day, this is the time to signal that it's time to quite our minds, slow down and get ready for our long sleep of the day. You don't want to drag a bedtime routine on too long, so keep it under an hour. Our naptime routine is: nurse (now in the living room or with the lights on in his room), diaper change, sleep sack on, "na-night", nap! Our bedtime routine is: bath, lotion/massage, jammies, nurse, sleep sack, story, "na-nights", bed!
• Have a sleep-time phrase. A word or a phrase that can be said to signal it's time to lay down and go to sleep. For us it's "Na-night". This is just another cue that bedtime is coming and it's time to slow down and get ready for sleep. While I'm nursing, I talk to JiggleyBaby and tell him it's just about "na-nights", then we say "na-night" to JiggleyBoy and DaddyMan, to the toys, to the light as we turn it off and finally I say it to him.
• Plan A or Plan B
• Plan A - stay in the room. You put your baby to bed, but you stay in their room. You are close enough to give them reassurance with your voice and the occasional touch to let them know you're there. In a few days, you'll move your chair to the middle of the room, then a few days after that you'll move your chair to the door, then a few days after that you'll leave the room.
• Plan B - leave the room. After you lay them down, you leave. You can go back in to reassure, lay back down, resettle as needed. This is the route we went, since I thought it might be harder for JiggleyBaby to fall asleep with me as his captive audience.
• Ok so crying is involved, but you determine how long you are going to let your baby/toddler cry for. We I decided that because JiggleyBaby is a bit older, that I would let him go for 10 minutes. Hearing your baby cry is hard, but you have to remember that they are learning how to get themselves comfortable and how to fall asleep without your help... which up until now they've always had. Their 'normal' is changing and that is frustrating and confusing, and they express that with crying. Of course, if baby is panicking or is giving a sick or hurt cry, screw the 10 minutes and get in there... but give it a little time.

Step 3 Give It Time

• Don't give up if the first day SUCKS HARD
• From what I've read, depending on your baby, sleep training can take anywhere between 3 days to 6 weeks. So don't lose hope. If, in step 1, you decided to give it 2 solid weeks, then stick with it and tough it out.
• Some kids will only cry for a minute before passing out, some kids are a little more stubborn and will cry for an hour or maybe even more - just remember that this is a change for them and change is hard and confusing. The amount they cry *should* decrease a little every day.
• Keep track of your progress. When you are in and out of a room with a crying baby for well over an hour at 3am, it's easy to believe that what you're doing isn't working. Write it all down. Write your routine, how long they fussed for, how long they slept for, if you had to go in, what time you started your routine and what time they actually went to bed. Over a few days you should be able to see a pattern and see what works for you guys.

Some Other Tips I've Been Given

• 5 minute intervals. On the first night, you go back into the room after they've been crying for 1 minute, reassure/resettle, then you give them 5 minutes, if they are still crying reassure/resettle, then give them 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 20 minutes - never exceeding 20 minutes of crying since if they cry longer than that there is a good chance they will get themselves over stimulated and won't fall asleep on their own anyways. Then every other night after that you go in 5 minute intervals, up to 20 minutes.
• Have a good routine, but be flexible. Just because your routine says naptime is at 2pm, doesn't mean that if baby is showing signs of being tired you can't put him down earlier.
• Try to catch the good sleep window! Watch baby for signs of getting sleepy; rubbing face or eyes, yawning, long blinks - this is a great time to get into bed! If you miss that window and they enter over-tired mode, then it'll be harder for them to settle into sleep because they are overstimulated.

Ok, this post is long enough... I think I covered the basics. If you are looking for some help with sleep training your little one, I hope this helps at least a little. If you've done a form of sleep training with your little one, and have some tips, tricks or suggestions, please share!!

Here's links to the rest of our sleep training journey incase you missed it:
What started it all --> The No-Sleep, Sleep Study by JiggleyBaby
Our Method --> Our Sleep Training Method
Day 1 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day1)
Day 2 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day2)
Day 3 +4 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day3+4)
Day 5, 6 + 7 --> coming soon
Sleep Training Update -- coming soon

Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day1)

If you read my last post, than you might have, sorta, kinda gotten the impression that I am a wee bit tired. Thirteen months of sleepless nights, with minimal help from anyone else, is more than enough for any one woman to bear. So I reached out. A big thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU, to all the kind words here on my blog, and on facebook, both on my personal and the JiggleyMommy pages. On top of all the suggestions, encouragement, and commiserating, writing that post opened my eyes. It really is time for change. JiggleyBaby is just as tired as I am, and I can't imagine how uncomfortable that would be for someone who just isn't capable of understanding why sleep is so important or how our bodies react when we don't get enough. So here goes nothing... we're starting Operation; No More Boob to Bed. Sleep training.
I've realized that I've created some bad habits we've gotten into some habits that are no longer working for us. We have a fairly consistent nighttime routine, but I always nurse to sleep. I was afraid of the crying. I wasn't, I'm not, a fan of crying it out. So for every nap, and every night, I'd strap JiggleyBaby into his sleep sack, say 'na-night' to his toys and his light, then settle into the glider to rock and nurse. Nursing your baby to sleep, is... well it's sweet. For me, it was one of the only times in my busy day that I could sit quietly and just 'be' with my baby. But now I know, that although it was nice, it has also now created the need for him to nurse to fall asleep... and as a result, he needs to nurse anytime he wakes during the night in order to get back to sleep. And on a restless night... that means I'm in his room, rocking and nursing him, upwards of 8 times.
So it's time for him to learn that he can still have num-nums (boobie milk), but he doesn't need it to sleep. This is my sleep training action plan.
Step 1: Make a contract with yourself (and/or your partner) to stay strong. Put in writing how long you'll let your baby cry and how you'll deal with it. Will you stay in the room until your baby falls asleep or will you leave and check in every so often? Decide you plan of attack!
Step 2: Put it in action. Know that it will likely be hard, know that there is a chance you might want to give up, know that it will get better. Everything I've read says that sleep training typically takes anywhere from 3 days to a few weeks, depending on your baby. So make sure you decide how long you are going to try for - don't give up if the first night is PAINFUL, or if after the first few days it's not improving.
Step 3: sleep.

Here are my results from day 1:
Morning Nap @9:30am - put in sleep sack, nursed for 10 minutes (with the light on), said "na-night" to toys and turned off the light, laid him down with his blankie and said "na-night". When he realized I was putting him to bed he sat up and cried. I laid him back down, said "it's na-night time, I love you", then left the room. He cried (more of a sleepy, 'hey this is new!' sort of cry) for SIX minutes before falling asleep. He cried out for less than 30 seconds after he was asleep for an hour, but fell back asleep on his own. I had to wake up at 11am to go pick up JiggleyBoy from school... so an hour and a half nap - I'd call that SUCCESS!
Afternoon Nap @2:30pm - a bit later than I should have let him go, but we had a lunch date and everyone was having too much fun to call it quits earlier. Put him in sleep sack, nursed for 10 minutes, said "na-night", lights off and into bed. He sat up and cried, but I reassured him that I love him and it was "na-night time". I blew him a kiss and left the room. He stopped crying after THREE minutes, whined as he was getting himself comfortable for another minute or two, and passed out. He woke up on his own, happily talking to his stuffed elephant, at 4:10pm - so another hour and a half! Yay!!
Bedtime Routine starts @ 6:15pm - bath, lotion, jammies, JiggleyBoy reads us a story, sleep sack, nurse (lights on, with blankie), "na-night" to brother and toys and light, kisses and walk out (by 7pm). He cried sitting up, fairly hard, for about 7 minutes, then laid down and cried/complained loudly for another 5. He got quiet for a minute and I thought he might be asleep... then the phone rang (and my phone rarely rings!), which started a fresh round of hard crying. After 10 minutes I went back in, laid him back down, said "I love you, it's na-night time" and left again. He cried for another 12 minutes, most of which was pissed off "I know you're out there, where's my boobies?!?!" sort of cry, before he fell asleep. So it was a little more painful tonight, than naptime, but he fell asleep on his own. Now the test will be how we fare overnight.
Stay tuned for day 2 of Operation; No More Boob to Bed.

**Update: Last night went well. He woke up at 3:30am, I let him cry/fuss for about 15 minutes before I went in. I think if I had just let him go, he might have petered out on his own, since he was laying down and 'complaining' more than real crying. I reassured him, gave him a kiss, laid him back down, said "na-night" and left the room again. He cried/fussed for another 20 minutes. I went in, picked him up, took him to the glider, let him nurse for 2 minutes, then resettled him in bed. He cried for 1 minute and went back to sleep. He slept through until 6:30am this morning! It was a good start!

Here's links to the rest of our sleep training journey incase you missed it:
What started it all --> The No-Sleep, Sleep Study by JiggleyBaby
Our Method --> Our Sleep Training Method
Day 1 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day1)
Day 2 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day2)
Day 3 +4 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day3+4)
Day 5, 6 + 7 --> coming soon
Sleep Training Update -- coming soon

The Non-Sleep, Sleep Study by JiggleyBaby

I feel like I've been a part of a year long experiment that studies just how bat-shit crazy a mom can get on very little sleep.
In the last year, apart from 3 nights I spent on the basement couch with a pillow over my head, I have had on average 4-6 hours of interrupted sleep a night. The effects of sleep deprivation are many. On top of feeling like a big bag of garbage most of the time;

• I've lost friends/support because either they are tired of hearing about me being tired, because I don't have the time+energy to properly maintain the friendship and it dulls over time, or simply because I've hermited myself away and am no longer interesting enough to go looking for.
• I've aged... a lot. My skin is losing elasticity, my hair is falling out, and I'm finding more and more fine wrinkles around my eyes. Not to mention the saggy boobs that comes with nursing 2 boys and a total of 31 months and counting.
• I can't think things through clearly, especially when it comes to JiggleyBaby and his sleep. I can't reason out how to make things better for him, and in return me.
• I've not only been unable to shed most of my pregnancy weight, but I've gained weight. The body is in an almost constant fight or flight response, so goes into lock down mode, by holding onto everything you put into it - no matter how much you eat or how much you work out.
• I have trouble concentrating on just about anything - which explains my lack of blogging.
• My short term memory has become like a sieve and if I don't write something down I'll likely forget.
• I'm sick, almost all of the time. Whether it's the sniffles or a headache or a full blown man-cold, my body is too run down to properly fight illness off, so it seems that anything that is going around I catch. I'm coming down with my 3rd cold in less than 2 months.
• My patients is at an all time low and I'm quicker to anger than I wish to be.
• I'm depressed and overwhelmed. My anxiety about things like driving and new situations is back (not to the extreme as it has been in the past) but there non-the-less.
• I feel like a shitty person. Shitty mom for only giving minimal effort some days to the kids. Shitty partner for sometimes missing my hubby, who is only home 1 week a month, only because I don't want to deal with any more of the responsibilities of child rearing and household crap on my own. Shitty friend for not calling or visiting more. Shitty.

So yeah... a year long experiment on the effects of not sleeping while being a mom and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. I'm ready to be done now.

Anyone out there have any advice on the topic of sleep? Any kind words of wisdom that can help me get through this?

Here's links to the rest of our sleep training journey incase you missed it:
What started it all --> The No-Sleep, Sleep Study by JiggleyBaby
Our Method --> Our Sleep Training Method
Day 1 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day1)
Day 2 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day2)
Day 3 +4 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day3+4)
Day 5, 6 + 7 --> coming soon
Sleep Training Update -- coming soon