Stop The Mommy Judgement!

I had myself a little rant this morning. A fellow mum posted on my local facebook buy/sell/swap group, about the apparent dangers of a well known baby teething tablet. The post (which was a share of a share of a copied photo) said that these tablets were taken off the market due to blah blah blah. It was pointed out to her, that although the company did have a VOLUNTARY recall a few years back, they were back on the market and thought to be safe. She continued to say things like "well *I* wouldn't want to put MY child at risk" and "I don't know why anyone would want to take the chance". Then I posted about what the recall was about, the associated risks and how the company has changed to combat the risks, I even posted a link to the snopes article. *sigh*
I completely understand the wanting to share safety information with my peers, especially when it comes to our children. I get that. What I don't get, is why people feel like they need to put fear and doubt into mum's thoughts. HELLO?! We already fear for our children's safety every moment of every day! We already doubt ourselves and question the choices we make. Why do mums have to be so judgey of each other?? Ok, so you want to share information that you believe is helpful - do your research, don't just post willy-nilly. You have no.idea. how many mum's are using those tablets and now you're putting them in a panic thinking that they are giving their babies something that will give them seizures and brain bleeds. It's unwarranted. UGH! It happens everywhere.
See that mum pushing her stroller and having a smoke? Well she *might* be a negligent mum who doesn't care about the health of her baby.... OR maybe she's all alone, all the time, with only that baby. Maybe her getting outside for that one walk around the block and a cigarette is the only 'me' time she gets, because she doesn't have a choice. Don't judge her.
See that mum buying junk food in the grocery store? Ok, maybe she's not teaching her children proper nutrition and eating habits... OR maybe her kids have been eating all their carrots and broccoli without complaint for a month straight and as a reward she's letting them pig out on junk. OR maybe they're having a party. OR maybe a bag of chips actually goes stale in their house because they eat it like a treat in such small quantities. Don't judge her.
See that mum on her phone? Looks like she's ignoring her kids, right? OR maybe she's engaged with them all freaking day long and while they play she's checking her email. OR maybe she's a work from home mom, who is actually working at the park. OR maybe she's bored of the eighty million conversations about dinosaurs and space ships and she's checked out, just for a few minutes... Don't judge her.
See that mum with the bottle of formula? Or the disposable diapers? Or the one carrying her large toddler? Or the one crying in the dairy isle? Or the one using nursing her 2 year old? Or the one eating a cheeseburger? You see that skinny mum, that fat mum, that fit mum, that old mum, that impossibly young mum? Don't judge her. You don't know why she makes the choices she does. You don't know her story, nor can you see how the path on her journey is laid out. Don't judge her. 
It's time to make a commitment to stop judging or making assumptions about other mums and to start SUPPORTING one another. End rant.

Mum Theory

We're all shitty mum's.
Did that get your attention? Rile you up? Make you want to throat punch me a little? Hear me out... we're all shitty mum's... sometimes. And, we think we're shittier than we really are. Really.
So, Shitty Mum's, let me tell you something...

You don't have to have Pinterest worthy crafts to do and display every day. You don't have to have lunch in fun shapes or in cute little boxed compartments every day. You don't even have to make lunch or supper or even breakfast every single day. It's ok that you got frustrated and raised your voice. It doesn't matter if you stayed in your pajamas all day. It's ok. It's ok if you turned on the cartoons 10 minutes after breakfast and turned them off 10 minutes before you crawled into bed. It's ok that you didn't feel like getting down on the floor and playing dinosaurs or barbies or legos. It's ok that you roll your eyes at having to read Goodnight Moon for the 87th time today. It's ok that you would rather space out on facebook for the next 20 minutes, instead of do the dishes or wash the floor or be constantly engaged with your child. It's ok. It's ok that you love and look forward to doing ANYTHING by yourself; be that going to the bathroom without an audience, to grocery shopping, to having a girls night out where you drink your face off and dance until your head spins. You don't have to always be motivating or encouraging or upbeat. It's ok.
Are you striving to be the perfect lil wifey? The perfect mum? Well, Shitty Mum's... perfect does not exist. Really.
Some days you are going to yell. You're going to get frustrated and overwhelmed and lazy. You are going to do the easy thing instead of the best thing. You are going to want to run away or take a break or give yourself a time-out. Some days you aren't going to have it in you to praise every single little good thing and you might fly off the handle at a little inconvenience. Some days, some hours, some minutes you're going to want to drink.
But, Shitty Mum's, all this is what really makes you pretty awesome mum's too. Because we can't be 100%, 100% of the time. The more I talk to other Shitty Mum's, I realize that I'm maybe not as shitty as I thought... that maybe I'm a little closer to normal. Maybe. We all have shitty days. We all have days or moments where we aren't the best mum we could be. But we make up for that. We strive for that. More days, than not, we try to be good mum's. And we get down on the floor to play, or make absurdly amazing pinterest crafts, or have crazy lunches, or dress up and have dance parties. We do read that same story, word for word, a bazillion time, because we know it's loved. We make healthy meals even when all we want is a cheeseburger washed down with a chocolate bar (or two..).
Shitty Mum's, I promise you... you will only truly be a Shitty Mum when you stop caring how shitty you are. Until you are shitty most of the time... until then, you are an AWESOME mum. Yes, really. So it's ok to take a day to be Shitty Mum. Turn on those cartoons, eat icecream out of the tub and lock yourself in the bathroom as often as needed. Tomorrow you'll be AWESOME again... I know it.

Gender Roles

I can remember, very clearly, sitting in one of my Social Work courses (about 5 years ago) talking about gender roles. I remember silently laughing, to myself, at some of the views of a couple of the younger girls. They were making bold statements like "I'm not going to put my future child into a gender box, I'll let them be whoever they are going to be..." And the freshly pregnant me thought, that is all good in theory, but you can't really shield a child completely from gender roles. I knew then, that if the baby in my belly were a girl she'd wear pink, and if he had boy bits (which he did), then he'd wear blue (which he does). But I also knew that I'm open minded enough that if my daughter wanted to play with trucks and climb trees, I'd be ok with that. Just as I'm ok with my sons wanting to play with dolls or dancing around in a tutu. I'm cool like that.

I've always thought that my being open to these sorts of things would not only help my children eventually 'become whomever they are going to be', but help my BOYS become whatever kind of BOY they wanted to be... be that a rough a tumble boy boy or a sweet and gentle boy or better yet, a boy who doesn't care what others thinks, if he wants to play with a Barbie or put on a dress or kiss another boy than WHATEVS.
But he's learned gender roles somewhere. That fact came crashing in on me today when he told me I couldn't barbecue burgers because "Mummy's cook on the stove and only Daddy's cook on the bbq". Ok, it's true that my hubby does MOST of the cooking on the bbq, but REALLY?!?! I do not want my son to grow up to think that there are blue jobs and pink jobs. I don't want him to believe that there are things that men can do, that women can't. Also, I don't want him to ever feel like "women's work" is beneath him.
So today, instead of throwing on the BBQ and grilling up some burgers (and I'm starving too, btw), I sat down with my 4 year old and we talked about gender roles. I told him that even though there are jobs, in our house, that usually just mommy does, doesn't mean daddy can't do it. I explained that girls can do anything boys can do and boys can do anything girls can do. He nodded and agreed. He helped me think of examples, like when his girl friends play sword fighting or construction with him, or when he plays house or "fairy-cast-a-spell-on-the-trolls" (huh?!). I was so proud of us! He gets it.
Then he asked; "So that means I can grow a baby in my tummy just like a mommy? You know, when I'm older?"
Dammit, well played my boy. Well. Played.