Stop The Mommy Judgement!

I had myself a little rant this morning. A fellow mum posted on my local facebook buy/sell/swap group, about the apparent dangers of a well known baby teething tablet. The post (which was a share of a share of a copied photo) said that these tablets were taken off the market due to blah blah blah. It was pointed out to her, that although the company did have a VOLUNTARY recall a few years back, they were back on the market and thought to be safe. She continued to say things like "well *I* wouldn't want to put MY child at risk" and "I don't know why anyone would want to take the chance". Then I posted about what the recall was about, the associated risks and how the company has changed to combat the risks, I even posted a link to the snopes article. *sigh*
I completely understand the wanting to share safety information with my peers, especially when it comes to our children. I get that. What I don't get, is why people feel like they need to put fear and doubt into mum's thoughts. HELLO?! We already fear for our children's safety every moment of every day! We already doubt ourselves and question the choices we make. Why do mums have to be so judgey of each other?? Ok, so you want to share information that you believe is helpful - do your research, don't just post willy-nilly. You have no.idea. how many mum's are using those tablets and now you're putting them in a panic thinking that they are giving their babies something that will give them seizures and brain bleeds. It's unwarranted. UGH! It happens everywhere.
See that mum pushing her stroller and having a smoke? Well she *might* be a negligent mum who doesn't care about the health of her baby.... OR maybe she's all alone, all the time, with only that baby. Maybe her getting outside for that one walk around the block and a cigarette is the only 'me' time she gets, because she doesn't have a choice. Don't judge her.
See that mum buying junk food in the grocery store? Ok, maybe she's not teaching her children proper nutrition and eating habits... OR maybe her kids have been eating all their carrots and broccoli without complaint for a month straight and as a reward she's letting them pig out on junk. OR maybe they're having a party. OR maybe a bag of chips actually goes stale in their house because they eat it like a treat in such small quantities. Don't judge her.
See that mum on her phone? Looks like she's ignoring her kids, right? OR maybe she's engaged with them all freaking day long and while they play she's checking her email. OR maybe she's a work from home mom, who is actually working at the park. OR maybe she's bored of the eighty million conversations about dinosaurs and space ships and she's checked out, just for a few minutes... Don't judge her.
See that mum with the bottle of formula? Or the disposable diapers? Or the one carrying her large toddler? Or the one crying in the dairy isle? Or the one using nursing her 2 year old? Or the one eating a cheeseburger? You see that skinny mum, that fat mum, that fit mum, that old mum, that impossibly young mum? Don't judge her. You don't know why she makes the choices she does. You don't know her story, nor can you see how the path on her journey is laid out. Don't judge her. 
It's time to make a commitment to stop judging or making assumptions about other mums and to start SUPPORTING one another. End rant.

Mummy Musing: They Won't Remember

My babies won't remember being babies. They won't remember how I rocked them to sleep. They won't remember how they were once comforted at my breast. They won't remember the sleepy tears I wipe away from their cheeks or the soft kisses I lay upon their head as I tuck them in for the night. They won't remember the times I quietly sneak into their room to watch them sleep. Nor will they remember the badly sung songs I crooned to them. They will not remember the times I held them close and slow danced around the living room to the songs in my heart. They will not remember how the slightest fever, or sniffle, or cough, had me worrying and checking and rechecking to make sure they were alright. And they certainly won't remember seeing the joy on my face as I watch them experience all their firsts. They won't remember it.
But I will. And even if they don't remember why... my children will always be able to remember the feeling of home whenever they're in my arms. They'll be able to remember the overwhelming amount of love that I've poured into them every.single.day of their lives. They'll remember that they are safe, in body and mind, with me. They'll remember the important bits.

Honest Mommy

Ok before I get into things... I just need to be clear: I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I LOVE my boys, I LOVE my life, lovelovelove. Got it? Good.
... But sometimes I feel like this life, right here in this moment, is sucking all the air out of me. Maybe not my air, maybe my ME. Who I am, who I was. Some days, it's like my day starts off like a big, round, red balloon. It's so full you wonder how it doesn't pop. As the day wears on, people and things slowly suck the air out of my balloon. By mid-day, it's starting to look wrinkly and I wonder if it'll even make it until I can crawl under the covers. I try to sneak a minute or two to breath some air, some life, back into my balloon, but those minutes are always fleeting, always gone in the blink of an eye; another snotty nose, another diaper, another meal to prepare or floor to wash. At the end of a 25 hour day, my balloon is deflated and there is nothing left to it, but a stretched out hunk of rubber.
I never expected that being a SAHM would be so hard, so lonely, and so... I don't even know the right word to use. What's a word for the way motherhood changes you? What do you call it when you do the same variation of activities and sequences day after day? Is there a word that describes the drowning feeling that sometimes sneaks up on you, but can be quickly replaced by wonder and joy at the tiny creations you've mothered? What word would you use to describe the crazy love you feel for another being, a love that you didn't even know existed until they were placed in your arms, but at the same time the overwhelming annoyance at their loud chewing or the way they always need to touch you or when they just.won't.stop.talking.
How can anyone, other than another mom, understand this? Does this make me crazy? Am I a terrible mother? Well, to answer that one... heck no. I'm a rad mom. But I'm a real mom. And as a real mom, I can fully admit, some days my family sucks all the air out of my balloon.

A Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

Today sucks! It's the kind of day where you'd love to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over your head and sleep until it's tomorrow. It's a terrible, no good, very bad day!

Baby woke up at 4am for his sleepy snack (pretty normal), but he felt like having a little party, so it took about an hour to get him back into bed and asleep.
Then at 6am I hear the baby monitor beeping like the batteries are dying, but it's plugged in. Lean over and sleepily turn it off and take it off the base, when I feel water? Has condensation gotten into the baby monitor??
Back to sleep I go until 7am, when Trent comes parading into my room and throws my covers back. Then I discover that the "moisture" I was feeling in the baby monitor base was actually battery 'juice' that had leaked out. Awesome.
My throat starts to tickle.
Baby poops right out the leg of his jammies, which I had planned on just keeping him in.
Baby then pukes all over me and his second outfit of the day.
By the time I get Sawyer and I changed I come out to the kitchen to discover Trent staring blank faced at teletoon retro and half his bowl of cereal sitting, disgustingly soggy, in front of him. "There's no time for this! You can have a banana in the van."
Throw some clothes on Trent, which I'm not entirely sure are clean, and race to get both kids buckled into the van and on our way.
Look at the clock and we're already late for school. I seriously dislike being late for any reason other than the starbucks lineup being too long.
Get Trent to school, 10 minutes late, and on the drive baby has thrown up on himself again.
Get a call that the repair company can't come look at my broken dryer until Monday at the earliest. AWESOME!  I see visions of pukey and poopy baby clothes dancing in my head.
My nose starts to sniffle.
Go to a friends to hang out while Trent is at school, and although it was great to hangout and be with another adult, Sir Sawyer is too cool to nap. So he gets fussier and crankier.
Pick up the boy from school and decide that I really want a BLT for lunch, but we've got no bacon. To the store, boys! At the store, Sawyer wakes from his 10 minute car nap and Trent RUNS full tilt down every isle pretending to shoot bad guys with his invisible bow and arrow. In and out as quick as it's humanly possible to buy bacon and tomatoes with two littles.
Get home and Trent has decided he ABSOLUTELY will not eat a BLT. After 20 minutes of hmmm'ing and hawwwww'ing he decides he will eat an egg sandwich. This is when Sawyer decides that he's had enough of sitting or laying someplace other than my arms. Grrrreeeeaatt!
Sandwiches made and mostly eaten, I go to feed the baby and SURPRISE, he pukes all over me and himself again.
My head starts to feel foggy and I can feel pressure behind my eyes and nose.
A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
Throw a small load of laundry on and remove all the lovely crusty towels off the drying rack; baby is screaming, Trent is covering his ears and singing a song about how loud and annoying his brother is.
Time to feed the baby again, in hopes of getting him down for a late afternoon nap.... throw my boobie heating gel pack into the microwave (yes, the vasospasms are back) and POP! The gel back explodes in my microwave.
My eye starts to twitch.
Clean up the microwave to the tune of screamy baby and the looney tunes theme song turned up as loud as the tv will go.
Now it's 4pm. I've finally gotten the baby down. I've told Trent that as much as I love him, I just need some time to myself and he's got to entertain himself right now. And I'm about to head down to my basement and kick my broken dryer, then nicely hang up all the baby clothes and hope they dry quickly.
Today has really been a terrible, no good, very bad day indeed... Thank goodness for tomorrows!

Edit: *** and not 10 minutes after posting this blog, Trent says to me "Mummy, I see you have tired eyes. I'm going to go play in the basement (which never happens) so you can have some quiet time (which also never happens!) AND landlord just calls and he found someone to come look at my dryer TOMORROW!!! Ok maybe today is only a terrible no good, somewhat bad day

Sweet Song

Late one night, when Trent was in the hospital, I rocked him to sleep and softly sung "You Are My Sunshine". As I remember it, his tiny body relaxed into sleep as I whisper sang to him, not wanting to wake any of the other babies or disturb any other wakeful person with my terrible voice. Whenever he was a little too restless, a little cranky, a little bit on edge; I'd softly sing or hum it to him. A lot of the time I just made up my own words to the tune, and that was good enough. Soon enough, it became his sweet song. The song that whenever it came out of my mouth, he'd relax, he'd stop crying, he'd look up at me or fall asleep. To this day, when he's extra cuddly or needing a little bit more mommy time, I can hum it and he relaxes into me once again and I can see all his baby'ness that is slowly being replaced by boy'ness.
The other day, I walked into the living room where, just moments before Sawyer was howling. Things had gotten quiet - and as every mom knows, that's when there's trouble.. usually. What I saw, and heard, instead, melted my heart. Trent was sitting in front of Sawyer singing "Baby Beluga". Sawyer, with his big bright eyes, just watched his brother intently. When Trent finished singing (with 3 extra verses about pirates and dinosaurs) I applauded and told him that it was very sweet to sing to his baby brother. And he looked at me and said "oh dat's just Sawyer's song. It always makes him happy when you sing it."
I guess over the last few months, whenever Sawyer has been a little restless, a little cranky, a little bit on edge, I've been singing or humming or making up my own words to "Baby Beluga". In my new baby haze, Sawyer got his sweet song.

Did/Do your children have a sweet song? What do you find yourself singing or humming or making up words to the tune of, to quiet your babies?

5 Things You May Not Know About New Babies

1. Babies produce an alarming amount of ear wax. Yes it's normal, but it's still pretty gross (and weirdly satisfying) to pick out a raisin sized chunk of ear wax from your infants ear.
2. Babies are born with a special sensor, which I refer to as luke-warm-beveragosa. This heat seeking sensor alerts the baby every.single.time you are about to enjoy a warm beverage, thus waking him from a sound sleep, turning his giggles to cries, and/or expelling an explosive poop that travels all the way up his back to settle in his armpits.
3. There are certain baby cries that operate on a frequency meant to induce insanity to it's mother. They are cries that you can FEEL right in the marrow of your bones and make your eyeballs shake in your skull. You are completely powerless to these cries and will drop whatever you are doing to check on your little one.  
4. Baby fingernails are the next closest thing to Wolverine's claws. They are one of the sharpest and fastest growing substances on this planet. Those itty bitty, paper thin nails are deceiving - you can cut them every other day and still look like a wild cat attacked your chest and/or face.
5. Babies are wired to change things up, and often. As soon as you think your baby has started to "sleep through the night", he'll start waking up half a dozen times again. As soon as you think you've got some sort of routine or pattern to your day, he'll start wanting to nap longer or shorter which will shift everything by a couple hours and will result in a flustered mum and a baby who doesn't really know what it wants. As soon as you believe he's started to eat well, he'll go on a nursing strike, or hit a growth spurt and want to eat all.day.long again. As soon as you think to yourself "ok, so this is the way it's going to be..." he's going to change it up on you. THAT is the only thing predictable about babies.

What are some things that surprised you about your new baby? Was it the crazy amount that they sleep or don't sleep? Or just how much one little person can throw up in a day?

If You Came Over Today...

If you happened to pop over today, you would see my house in it's natural state. Not "company is expected" everything is put away and shiny and clean. Not even "playdate presentable" where everything is tidy, but if the kids trash the place I'm not heartbroken.
If you came by, you'd see crumbs on my floor and dust bunnies hiding under the sofa. There are finger prints on my TV and windows and bathroom mirrors. There is at least one piece of dirty laundry hanging out in every single room; usually a pair of discarded socks or a pukey baby blanket. If you came over you'd notice that I sometimes often leave toothpaste in the sink. My dishes are piled up on the counter and in the sink. My bed, most certainly, isn't made and the sheets are wrinkley. There are, most likely, toys scattered in the basement, but I wouldn't know because I haven't ventured to the lower level in the last 3 days. If you swung by, you'd see that I'm still in my jammies... from yesterday (ok, the night before). You'd see that all I've eaten today is a box of Ritz crackers and hummus.
If you came over today, you'd see that I'm certainly not perfect. You'd see that sometimes I'm lazy. But if you popped by today, I'd clear off a chair, sweep the table crumbs onto the floor, and pour you a cup of tea. Because the people who would pop over know me... and love me, especially when I'm not perfect.

Mummy Musings: Nipple Woes

There is not much that is worse than getting a full on purple nipple from the infant who not only just leisurely nursed off said nipple for the last 30 odd minutes, but also has absolutely no control over what he does with his hand once he locks it into a fist.

Yeowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwouch!

To My Boys

My Dear Boys,
You are both so little right now, but one day you will both be grown men, with lives and (likely) families of your own. It goes by so quickly. One day you are a tiny baby, asleep in my arms. The next, you are a rumble tumble boy with dirt on your nose. The day after that, you are looking for the keys to the car. And then you are a man. Fast. Blink of an eye, one single heartbeat; fast.
Because life happens so quickly, I thought it was important to share with you some important life rules. Please keep an open mind about them.

1. Always do your best. That means working hard, putting the best effort forth, giving it everything you have. If you've tried your hardest and done the best you can do, you will always succeed.
2. Never raise your hands in anger. NEVER. There will be times in your life where you are so angry, so filled with rage, that you will want to lash out. You will want to hit something or someone. Don't do it. EVER. Find other ways to deal with your anger. Go for a run, paint, lift weights, play piano, start a garden. Our hands are not meant for hitting.
3. Experience life! Travel. Learn a new language. Try new kinds of foods. Read different kinds of books. This whole world is open to you!
4. Be spiritual. I don't care if you go to church every Sunday. You don't have to believe in things the same way that I do, But I want you to find a peace that only comes with knowing, in your heart, that you are a small piece of the puzzle that is life. Carry that light in your heart.
5. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect your elders. They have a lot to offer you. They have helped shape the life around you. They have nurtured and cared for you, so you must nurture and care for them.
6. Learn how to take care of your basic needs. Cooking, laundry, cleaning. You won't always have me to take care of you. And I refuse to pass along a son who needs to be taken care of, to my future daughter in law. I'll even let you in on a little secret; there is nothing sexier than a man who can cook a meal for you, than clean it up afterwards.
7. Learn. Always. Never stop learning. Never stop trying to hone your talents. There is an endless supply of knowledge out there, reach for it.
8. It's ok to have feelings. As boys, and men, you may think it's silly to show many emotions. You may think it's 'girlie' to cry. It's not. If you stamp down your emotions long enough, you will become cold. If you're sad, be sad. If you're happy or excited, be happy and excited. It's freeing.
9. Get outside. Fresh air is a cure for almost anything.
10. I will ALWAYS love you. There will be times when you think I am the biggest bitch on this planet, but I will still love you. You may not talk to me every day, or we may live far apart, but I will always love you. Everything I do for you, is out of love. YOU are my reason for living. You are my heartbeat. You are my everything. So, when I'm grounding you, or taking away your car, or walking into your room when you're with a girl... it's because I love you.

Love,
Mum xo

Mummy Musings (2)

After a dozen bum wipes, snotty noses swiped, songs sung, groceries bought, letter taught, meals made, faces cleaned, cuddles dispensed, kisses planted, tears mopped, dishes cleaned, floors swept, dust bunnies culled, dinosaur battles, time outs given, hugs squeezed, and boys tucked into bed... it's completely acceptable to have a glass bottle of wine. You did good today, Mommy!

Mommy Musings: Poop

You'd think after being a mum for the last 4+ years, it wouldn't surprise me... but sometimes I am still completely BLOWN AWAY by the sheer volume of poop that can come out of a human so small. Holy Hannah, baby - where do you store it?!?