I did the unspeakable...

... I stepped on the scale last night. And nearly lost my sh*t. I haven't just gained back some weight, I've gained back a small elephant. I'm not completely back up a size, but I have been noticing that my clothes are getting tighter again and I'm generally feeling a bit fluffier, but I did not imagine that my gain could have been so much.  Almost 20 pounds. Since mid-summer.
So let's look at previous factors for gaining and maintaining Fat Lady status:

• Not eating breakfast for years and years and years (screwed with my metabolism)
• Using food as an emotion stabilizer (eat away the sad, celebrate with food, etc)
• Using pregnancy and then having a newborn (in and out of the hospital) as an excuse to not eat well or to exercise much.
• Loving a salty/sweet combo.
• Not learning the importance of proper nutrition or daily exercise until I was well into my 20's
• Being too lazy - to cook something healthy, to exercise, to make an effort

Ok, now to see how I've improved upon, or not, those same factor:

• I eat breakfast almost every day, the only time I don't is when we're having a brunch or something. Mostly, I eat eggs for breakfast, sometimes with a side of fruit, always with a mug of tea.
• I still struggling with eating away my feelings. I do this without thinking or planning.
• I am no longer pregnant nor do I have a newborn. I don't cave in to cravings quite as often and I also exercise more, push myself more than I did - because this excuse just doesn't exist right now
• I still have a weakness for a good salty/sweet or crunchy/creamy combo. I try to make better choices when giving into these, like carrot sticks and hummus. But there are too many times when a healthy choice means more work than I care to give for a snack and I eat what is available now.
• Growing up, healthy eating and exercise were not something we ever talked about. I started gaining significant weight in my early 20's and bounced around on shakes and pill diets. Even when I was trying to lose weight, I never significantly altered the way I eat (other than pretty much starving myself) or started working out. It wasn't until the birth of my son that something really clicked and I decided I wanted better for myself and my family. I still struggle with the learned behaviour of my past (namely eating boxed, processed foods), but I have come leaps and bounds with knowing what is better for my family and making an effort to eat better.
• Laziness is something still gets me. After a week of being the only parent doing any parenting, planning and cooking approximately 20 meals, and being solely responsible for the cleanliness or running of our household... I get lazy. It weighs on me and I just want to pull out a pizza from the freezer. The lazies kick in and the thought of packing us up, and running to catch the bus, then doing an hour long class at the gym, and packing ourselves back up and running to catch the bus back home, just seems like too much effort.

Ok... so here are some of my vices, my hurdles, my issues to overcome and get myself back. I want to be healthy. Next step: a better game plan.