The last two months I've been 90% certain that I was going to receive a positive pregnancy test. Last month was uber hopeful, because it would have been a perfect reveal just in time for Christmas. This month I've had a bunch of early signs and symptoms and in my heart I felt like this was it. Then I got sick. And as I lay almost unconscious on the bathroom floor I realized I'm not pregnant, again. Between heaves and wishing for a quick death, I cried. Not just because of feeling so horrendous, but because with every slightly hopeful 'symptom', whether in my head or not, a baby is born. And then again every month when another test fails to give me that second line, a baby ceases to be. Heartbreaking.
I have heard all the advice and condolences; it'll happen when it happens, let nature take its course, when your body is truly ready... blah blah blah. I understand the mechanics of it all. I know that the reality of making a baby is that there is one tiny 24 hour window when you either get pregnant or you don't. It doesn't make it easier to accept that we're missing that window or that that window might not even be opening properly. At what point do you say this course that nature is on is apparently not working and maybe an alternative approach is needed?
**oh, and if my mother asks me again if I'm pregnant I may just neck punch her..... **
I don't think there is a definitive moment. I think it never hurts to bring it up with your doctor, and see what your options are.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your struggle, and am here if you ever want to talk