Honest Mommy

Ok before I get into things... I just need to be clear: I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I LOVE my boys, I LOVE my life, lovelovelove. Got it? Good.
... But sometimes I feel like this life, right here in this moment, is sucking all the air out of me. Maybe not my air, maybe my ME. Who I am, who I was. Some days, it's like my day starts off like a big, round, red balloon. It's so full you wonder how it doesn't pop. As the day wears on, people and things slowly suck the air out of my balloon. By mid-day, it's starting to look wrinkly and I wonder if it'll even make it until I can crawl under the covers. I try to sneak a minute or two to breath some air, some life, back into my balloon, but those minutes are always fleeting, always gone in the blink of an eye; another snotty nose, another diaper, another meal to prepare or floor to wash. At the end of a 25 hour day, my balloon is deflated and there is nothing left to it, but a stretched out hunk of rubber.
I never expected that being a SAHM would be so hard, so lonely, and so... I don't even know the right word to use. What's a word for the way motherhood changes you? What do you call it when you do the same variation of activities and sequences day after day? Is there a word that describes the drowning feeling that sometimes sneaks up on you, but can be quickly replaced by wonder and joy at the tiny creations you've mothered? What word would you use to describe the crazy love you feel for another being, a love that you didn't even know existed until they were placed in your arms, but at the same time the overwhelming annoyance at their loud chewing or the way they always need to touch you or when they just.won't.stop.talking.
How can anyone, other than another mom, understand this? Does this make me crazy? Am I a terrible mother? Well, to answer that one... heck no. I'm a rad mom. But I'm a real mom. And as a real mom, I can fully admit, some days my family sucks all the air out of my balloon.