Loss

A friend of mine lost her husband this past weekend. It was sudden, it was unexpected, it was tragic. It left her alone with two small children. I cannot even imagine the sense of loss she is feeling right now. I cannot wrap my head around losing someone who is such an important and immediate part of my life. Yet, for the past two days, I've been able to think of little else. That is a symptom of being on the peripheral of a loss. It doesn't really affect me personally, I didn't know her husband well. It shouldn't touch me in the hidden recesses of my heart... but it does. And I fear, it touches me for selfish reasons.
The last two days all I've thought about is what would happen if Shawn left us. Not only how would we manage the day to day of life without him, but how he'd want to be put to rest. How would I tell the boys? Would I be able to paint them a beautiful enough picture of their father so they knew how completely he loved them? Where would we live; the East coast where most of Shawns family is; the West coast where all my family is; stay in Alberta where we've started to build our life?? Could I even get out of bed if I lost Shawn? Would life turn black and white and go by in a weird speeded up slow motion?
I have no idea. I know I shouldn't dwell on a loss that isn't mine and I should cherish the lives that are around me... but my heart is so sad right now. I'm going to kiss my babies and hug my husband when he gets home. I'm going to tell them all how completely I love them, so if something were to happen to me, they would always know.
In the meantime, I'm going to pray for my friend and her family. I'm going to send as much love and strength and peace out into the world for her. I'm going to listen, without stepping into her tragedy, to hear what she needs of those surrounding her. And I'm going to make sure she knows that her and her babies are loved, completely.