Falling Apart

"The beginnings and endings of all human undertakings are untidy."

~John Galsworthy~

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,

but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

~Maria Robinson~

I have wanted to battle my demons on my own. It's heartbreaking to admit that I can't. I'm losing sight of the loves in my life. I'm pushing people away. My brain won't stop tick-tick-ticking when I want to shut it down, then works in slow motion when I need it. Time to admit defeat. Ok brain chemicals, YOU WIN! You are not working like you should; eating well, exercising, or getting enough rest is not cutting it. I've always known that I would have to go back on medications if I wasn't able to even things out on my own. Well things aren't evening out. Things AREN'T working like they should right now. I'm too unhappy, too melancholy, too stressed. That isn't me. THIS isn't me... this is my 16 year old self, this is even maybe a little bit of my 25 year old self after going through major life bullshit. I'm not going through bullshit right now. I should be able to deal. So, it's time. At least when you've battled depression and anxiety for longer than you can remember, you know when it's time to raise the white flag and yell MERCY!

"Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin.

Beginning makes the conditions perfect."

~Alan Cohen~