Reaching Out

When you are struggling, for any number of reasons, reaching out is hard. It's hard asking for help when on the outside you are pretending that everything is good and you've got everything under control. It's hard when you don't really want to admit that you need help. Reaching out is probably the hardest first step of all, it's also probably the most important.
It shouldn't come as a surprise that in the last few months I've been struggling. I have lived with mental illness, namely depression and anxiety, since I was twelve. For the most part, I understand my illness and am able to watch for signs that I'm heading in a downward spiral. I've been on a slow but steady decline since this summer. When I'm "down" I don't want to do anything, and I do the bare minimum to get by... well that was before having kids. Now I feel like I put so much effort in making sure I'm still giving my son the same level of parenting he would get if I was doing mentally well... and it's exhausting. It leaves little room for anything else.
So what does all this mean for my journey to a better (and hotter) me? Well a lot of my work has been on myself. Learning my limits, teaching myself to talk a little nicer to myself, realizing that it's totally ok to open up and reach out. I may not have a bikini body (hell, I don't think I will EVER have a bikini body no matter the size), but I won't give up the fight for a better me. I am a part of an amazing community of people through JDFT, I have people looking out for me. I have people that I can ask for help and even when I get the inner dialogue saying "they probably think you are such a big burden, look at you asking for a hand again, look at you needing help!", I am at least partially sure they don't really feel that way.
So this is me... reaching out. I've been struggling. Please don't let me disappear into my head this cold ugly winter. And I can promise I won't let the cold months get you either.