Confidence

There was a {very brief} time in my life where I was confident. I felt powerful in my decisions and didn't second guess myself. Lately I feel like that girl is so far gone from my life, it's almost a dream. I am constantly unsure of the decisions I make. I always feel like I'm guessing when it comes to making choices and I don't *really* know the right answer. Am I doing the right things for my child? Am I taking care of my responsibilities the best way I can? Am I treating myself the way I should be treated? Here I sit at my computer, with tears in my eyes, just from thinking of those questions. I don't know.
I feel so tied down right now; so trapped. I'm starting to think that there *might* be some control issues in my immediate life that I have no idea how to navigate through. I need a vehicle so I can get out of the house and be a part of my community again. So, I need money to get a car. I'm a stay at home mom... I get paid in hugs and kisses. I've talked to my 'hubby' about getting me a vehicle and it seems like it's the last thing on his list of things to spend money on. When I bring up finding a really cheap car, he knocks it down by saying there are too many km or it's too old or it's probably a piece of crap. Now I really have no idea what to look for, he's not helpful, I have to try to pull a couple grand out of my butt... and I'm still stuck. At home. Everyday. With children.
Now I'm unsure. How do I ask for money? How do I pick out a car? What am I looking for? What do I do once I find a car? How do I register it and get a licence plate and get it on the road? How do I tell my 'hubby' that I NEED more independence from him? How do I break out of this funk? Can I be strong to say what needs to be said? Am I really ready to have a car? Will I be a good enough driver? Is all this too much? Would it just be easier to leave things the way they are? Am I being fair? Am I being needy or greedy? Am I crazy????