S.E.X.

I will start with a couple of disclaimers here - Firstly, I'm going to talk about SEX. Not in a porno, wrap your legs around your ears kind of way - so don't get too excited. Second, I love my hubby. I think he is a wonderful man, who does all he can for our family. I think he is a hottie and I'm still very much attracted to him. I just don't always want sex.
Ok so here we go... Let's talk about sex, bay-bee. Let's talk about you and me...ok maybe not YOU and ME, but you get the drift.
Lately my sex life has been...well practically nonexistent. I've gone back and forth between feeling like a poopy wife (for not putting out) and being just too damn exhausted to care. The reality of it is that on my priority list right now, sex is ranking near the bottom. I know that's having a healthy sex life if both good for you physically and emotionally... I look at it this way - I KNOW that going to the gym is good for my body and that once I'm there I'll feel much better, but it's the getting there that is the hard part. I KNOW that if I put out I'll probably enjoy myself (or at least I'll enjoy some of the show anyways), but then I have to shave my legs, and get the baby settled, and cross my fingers that the 4 year old doesn't come strolling in, and did I remember to pick up cheese string at the store today? Not to mention the five hundred reasons I'm insecure about my body, 398 of those reasons resulting from the recent birth of our baby. PHEW! That's a lot of work-up.
So if there are other's out there who are also not slipping a sock on their bedroom door (because of a new baby)... check this out:

• After a woman has a baby, she may not feel up to doing it. For awhile. And that's ok. She just pushed something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a very small lemon... Can you say Ouch? Physically, down there, things may take awhile to heal up and be fully functional again. Mentally, down there, she may feel like her lady bits have been forever ruined by your families genetic disposition to large heads. Cut her some slack.
• Breastfeeding can affect your libido. The same hormones that tell your body to start producing milk, also lower your sex drive. It's natures way of helping the cave ladies not get pregnant while they already have an infant to care for. These hormonal changes can effect not only if you want to have sex, but also how things operate. This is a good time to invest in some top quality lube, if you know what I mean.
• When you are battling exhaustion, sex needs to take a backseat. When you spend your entire day taking care of all of the needs of a little person, you are only able to catch a couple hours of sleep here and there, and your basic needs usually come second - sex is not even a second thought. You can't feel sexy with spit up in your hair. It's hard to get in the mood when you can hear those little wake up grunts and squeeks or the thrashing of a baby who is fighting sleep because it KNOWS you want to do something other than hold it and rock it and nurse it. It's difficult to step up to the challenge of satisfying your partner, when it's likely that you are asleep even before you have even laid down.

So for the ladies out there: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It's ok that right now you don't want to get all Carmen Electra Strip Tease on your man. In time, hormones will even out, your baby will sleep more, lady bits will heal up AND go back to pretty much the way they were before. Just try to remember that men tend to communicate their love and attraction with their penis, it's easier than talking, so when we don't have sex for long periods of time, they may start to feel like we aren't attracted them anymore, or we don't love them. Try to reassure them; talk to them about it or attempt to spice things up once in awhile (even if it's just for their sake - who knows, you just might enjoy yourself too).

For the awesome men-folk out there who are all like "Well JiggleyMommy, what can I do to help my beautiful wife?": Be patient. I'm sure it sucks for you, but you can take care of things on your own for a bit. Offer to help when you can - if you know she won't come to bed until the kitchen is put away and that is already after she's bathed/changed/fed/settled the baby, then go help tidy up the kitchen (there is little else that is sexier than a man doing dishes, IMHO). Let her know she's still a sexy woman to you - it's easy for us to get caught up in the mommy role and forget that we are also women. She wants to feel like you are still attracted to her and not just horny. Take time to just talk and connect. For women, sex is like AT LEAST 80% mental - if she isn't feeling like you guys are connecting or her mind is on other things, she won't (a) want to put out or (b) will just put out because she feels like she should. And lastly, spend some time cuddling. Hold each other and be intimate without the sex. Cuddling opens the door to some great talks, it will connect you, and it may relax the panties right off your lady.


**(If you aren't nursing, it's been a long time and you still have absolutely no interest in sex, it might be time to mention it to your doctor)