After my little public declaration of being tired of being tired, a friend suggested a book she got when her and her hubby started sleep training their little guy. She emailed me a copy and between sobs and sips of my baileys (with a splash of decaf), I power read it. Before I started this, I was not really feeling any sort of CIO (cry it out) method. I don't want my baby to be sad, or confused, or feeling abandoned.... but really?! There aren't too many mommy's out there that want that. That being said, there is crying involved in this method. I am not sure if there really truly is a way that you can teach your baby/toddler how to fall asleep on their own, without a little bit of crying. The difference is that you are in control of it, you aren't just walking away with a "deal with it, baby!" attitude. So anyways... here are the basics of what I got out of the book and the approach we're taking to sleep training.
Step 1:
- write down the pros and cons of sleep training
- make a contract with yourself and/or your partner
- will you leave the room or sit by the bed
- how long will you let your baby cry for
- will you focus on just naps, just bedtime or all sleep at once
- how long are you willing to give this a shot
- Decide on when you are going to start
- Take away sleep 'props'. This was a big one for us. JiggleyBaby needed to nurse and be rocked in a dark, quiet room in order to fall asleep. None of those things were under his control - I was in charge of the boobs, I was in charge of the rocking, I made his room dark, and I shushed everyone into silence. So it's no wonder that when he woke during the night or after a 20 minute nap, he couldn't fall back to sleep - he needed me to get him there. So whether it's nursing/bottle or rocking or back tickles or a pacifier - if you are in control of their soothing, it's got to go.
- Introduce a lovey. A blankie or a special stuffie that they will always have in their bed, that they can cuddle or stroke or whatever they need/want to do to comfort them into sleep. This is not the same as a sleep prop, because the baby/toddler is in charge of the lovey. JiggleyBaby has a soft blankie and a scentsy elephant that he alternates cuddling with.
- Routine!!! Especially for the first few weeks, keep the same routine surround sleep times. The naptime routines don't need to be as long, but it's easier to fall asleep if you have a ritualized sleep schedule. It is VERY important to have a consistent bedtime routine - after a long day, this is the time to signal that it's time to quite our minds, slow down and get ready for our long sleep of the day. You don't want to drag a bedtime routine on too long, so keep it under an hour. Our naptime routine is: nurse (now in the living room or with the lights on in his room), diaper change, sleep sack on, "na-night", nap! Our bedtime routine is: bath, lotion/massage, jammies, nurse, sleep sack, story, "na-nights", bed!
- Have a sleep-time phrase. A word or a phrase that can be said to signal it's time to lay down and go to sleep. For us it's "Na-night". This is just another cue that bedtime is coming and it's time to slow down and get ready for sleep. While I'm nursing, I talk to JiggleyBaby and tell him it's just about "na-nights", then we say "na-night" to JiggleyBoy and DaddyMan, to the toys, to the light as we turn it off and finally I say it to him.
- Plan A or Plan B
- Plan A - stay in the room. You put your baby to bed, but you stay in their room. You are close enough to give them reassurance with your voice and the occasional touch to let them know you're there. In a few days, you'll move your chair to the middle of the room, then a few days after that you'll move your chair to the door, then a few days after that you'll leave the room.
- Plan B - leave the room. After you lay them down, you leave. You can go back in to reassure, lay back down, resettle as needed. This is the route we went, since I thought it might be harder for JiggleyBaby to fall asleep with me as his captive audience.
- Ok so crying is involved, but you determine how long you are going to let your baby/toddler cry for.
WeI decided that because JiggleyBaby is a bit older, that I would let him go for 10 minutes. Hearing your baby cry is hard, but you have to remember that they are learning how to get themselves comfortable and how to fall asleep without your help... which up until now they've always had. Their 'normal' is changing and that is frustrating and confusing, and they express that with crying. Of course, if baby is panicking or is giving a sick or hurt cry, screw the 10 minutes and get in there... but give it a little time.
- Don't give up if the first day SUCKS HARD
- From what I've read, depending on your baby, sleep training can take anywhere between 3 days to 6 weeks. So don't lose hope. If, in step 1, you decided to give it 2 solid weeks, then stick with it and tough it out.
- Some kids will only cry for a minute before passing out, some kids are a little more stubborn and will cry for an hour or maybe even more - just remember that this is a change for them and change is hard and confusing. The amount they cry *should* decrease a little every day.
- Keep track of your progress. When you are in and out of a room with a crying baby for well over an hour at 3am, it's easy to believe that what you're doing isn't working. Write it all down. Write your routine, how long they fussed for, how long they slept for, if you had to go in, what time you started your routine and what time they actually went to bed. Over a few days you should be able to see a pattern and see what works for you guys.
- 5 minute intervals. On the first night, you go back into the room after they've been crying for 1 minute, reassure/resettle, then you give them 5 minutes, if they are still crying reassure/resettle, then give them 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 20 minutes - never exceeding 20 minutes of crying since if they cry longer than that there is a good chance they will get themselves over stimulated and won't fall asleep on their own anyways. Then every other night after that you go in 5 minute intervals, up to 20 minutes.
- Have a good routine, but be flexible. Just because your routine says naptime is at 2pm, doesn't mean that if baby is showing signs of being tired you can't put him down earlier.
- Try to catch the good sleep window! Watch baby for signs of getting sleepy; rubbing face or eyes, yawning, long blinks - this is a great time to get into bed! If you miss that window and they enter over-tired mode, then it'll be harder for them to settle into sleep because they are overstimulated.
Ok, this post is long enough... I think I covered the basics. If you are looking for some help with sleep training your little one, I hope this helps at least a little. If you've done a form of sleep training with your little one, and have some tips, tricks or suggestions, please share!!
Here's links to the rest of our sleep training journey incase you missed it:
What started it all --> The No-Sleep, Sleep Study by JiggleyBaby
Our Method --> Our Sleep Training Method
Day 1 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day1)
Day 2 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day2)
Day 3 +4 --> Operation; No More Boob to Bed (day3+4)
Day 5, 6 + 7 --> coming soon
Sleep Training Update -- coming soon
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