It's OK

Yesterday was a rough day. I felt weepy and alone for most of the day. I calculated my 'adult time' and it really compounded the feeling of loneliness. Then my dear husband came home. He said a few things that made me want to rip him a new... well you get the gist. So here is my rebuttal, even if he won't ever read it and even if it's little things I've said before.
His Suggestion: Just go to bed now (9pm) - first of all, are you kidding me?! I just put the kid to bed, by myself I might add, I still have all the dishes and the kitchen to tidy up. Not to mention, the stray toys need to be put away and your lunch needs to be made and the garbage needs to go out. This may be a surprise, but I fired the fairies who normally clean up while we sleep because they just weren't in the budget any longer.
His Suggestion: Take a nap once you've put the kids down - Really?! Once I've gotten both kids down I have almost exactly 25 minutes to make myself something to eat, shove it in my mouth and do the thing(s) that I can't do with the kid(s) running around and climbing all over me (ie, scrub the toilet, mop floors, have a poop... ok maybe a little tmi, sorry.)
His Suggestion: Maybe you just need a break... - YOU THINK?! I do everything BY MYSELF. I have no partner to tag out when I've had enough or when I need to step away. I get approximately 3 hours to myself a day and some most of that is spent doing the things I couldn't when they kids were awake or things I couldn't get to. Even the things that are supposed to be for me, like going to the gym or crafting, ends up involving or revolving around the small humans in my life. I'd LOVE a break! If you were ever home, I'd probably try to go out once in awhile. If we had reliable family in town to ask to sit for an hour or two, I'd probably go out. If I didn't have pay for a sitter, PLUS her cab ride home, I'd think about scheduling a night out. But alas... 3 for 3... I don't get to go out alone.
His "Suggestion": you are so close to a breakdown - First of all, I'm nowhere near a breakdown. I am ALLOWED to have bad days. I am allowed to cry and dislike my 'job' and feel overwhelmed. I'm allowed to want a break. I'm allowed to be sad that I don't get to have that break. I'm allowed to be envious of mom's who go to work, because they get a break, or of the families where dad is home every night by 6. I'm allowed to be mentally tired after a week of being everyone and doing everything. I'M ALLOWED. I own my feelings. I'm just not allowed to let the negativity last more than a day or two, otherwise it eats me up and becomes a life to itself. I'm not allowed to sit in my self pity for days on end because then it's hard to get out of. I'm not allowed to try to be Super Mom all the time, I need to reach out and ask for help when I'm becoming swamped.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is: IT'S OK. I love what I do, I love who I am, I love the people in my life. But it's OK to want a breather from it. Just because I want or need a break, doesn't mean I'm a bad mom or weak, or selfish or anything. It means that I work HARD at what I do and I'm doing my best. It's OK to have a rough day. It's OK to need more than dino talks with your three year old. It's OK to want time to yourself. It's OK to be tired to the bone, but not want to go to bed. It's OK.