Strength

For the last week and a half I have felt weak. Weak in body. Weak in mind. And weak in spirit. I allowed myself to be easily tempted by snacks or couch time or the internet. I didn't reach out for help or support until I was a broken dam of emotion, and even then it was difficult to come right out and say "I need a hug". I was starting to feel hopeless and at a loss about the direction of my journey. I somehow summoned the bare minimal amount of energy to push through and fake a smile more times than not.

And it worked.

I've come out on top. Last night for the first time this month, I felt STRONG. I felt good in my body, like it was finally doing what I was asking of it. Every exercise I told myself "I got this!" and I believed it, I rocked it. I pushed myself, going up a couple pounds on the weights, doing full on push ups instead of modified. I was proud of myself. *high five, me!*
After I cleaned my sweaty self up last night and changed into my pj's, I marvelled at how much my body has changed. And let me tell you right now, I generally tend to avoid all mirrors. But I actually looked at myself tonight. My back fat crease is almost gone (especially if I stand with good posture). My arms are just starting to show some muscle tone. My butt, although still one of my biggest concerns/insecurities, is not an entire continent of it's own anymore. I can almost see my collar bone.
I am getting to where I want to be. Slowly, carefully, but I am making my way. I am so much stronger than I have EVER been. I am learning at every step. I am loving myself, which is the most rewarding part of this journey.