Friendship

When I was in high school I had barely any female friends. I found most girls to be catty and mean, so I hung out with the guys. During my last year of high school my reputation took a beating and with it, I lost most of the girls I had previously hung out with (ok, all but one girlfriend - but we couldn't really hang out because she'd get slack from everyone else and yadda yadda yadda). Out of high school I hung out with a couple of different crowds, but again mostly guys. In fact, most of my life the majority of my friendships have been based on who my boyfriend was. His friends became my friends.
Right now I don't think I have ANY guy friends. For the first time in my life (or at least my adult life) I am surrounded by....girls. I'm terrified of other woman. I'm always wondering if I'm secretly being judged or talked about behind my back. I feel like I don't know how to act (think, awkward teen on a first first date); am I being too loud, too quiet, should I laugh at that joke, did I drool??? I feel like I"m just starting to navigate myself in this sea of other mamma's and woman who I have in my life. I don't feel like I'm drowning. But I'm still unsure of myself.
Tonight I was sending out invites to my second 30th birthday and it really hit me, how many woman I have in my life. It also struck me that I have a little 5 year old girl in me who wants to ask every girl who is nice to me for 30 seconds "Do ya wanna be my friend?"  Regardless of my awkwardness in the friendship making department, I find it truly amazing that I have so many people that I can call friend. And all of the friendships that I have today have been foraged and maintained by ME; they have nothing to do with my partner. They are mine. And because of that, I'm blessed. So thank you for your friendship, ladies.