Temptation

Last night my boys sat down after dinner to devour homemade brownie sundaes. Complete with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I got through the occasion by having a bowl of fresh berries topped with a bit of whipped cream (ok, maybe more than a 'bit', but it's light whipped cream and I've been soo good...). Later, as Shawn and I were watching tv, my mind kept returning to the can of whipped goodness in my fridge. I could barely concentrate on the show, all that was going through my head was just how good some more would taste. Shawn got up to go to the bathroom and my feet practically didn't touch the floor, I couldn't get to the kitchen fast enough. When, at first, I couldn't find the can I freaked out. Shawn 'hid' it behind the milk. This did two things to me; first it made me mad, second it made me ashamed. I meant that Shawn didn't think the temptation was safe enough to just sit in the fridge... and he was right. I quickly filled my mouth (maybe more than once) and put it back in the back of the fridge. Shame. Shame. Shame.
A treat is one thing. It's ok to treat yourself when you've been working really hard, when you will continue to work hard, when having a treat means it's rare. Hiding out in the kitchen, trying to eat my 'treat' as fast as I can before anyone else see's me doing it, hiding my behaviour, feeling guilt and shame and mass disapointment in myself - this means I can't have whipped cream in my house just yet.