Old pictures




spring 2007, about 135lbs

 I came across an older picture of me today. It was from about 4 years ago. It really got me thinking about the last 5 years of my life. Prior to moving to AB I had a messy breakup, I had completely lost myself into this fat girl who didn't know what music or what foods she liked best. I didn't know who I was without my boyfriend. Then I moved here and made a year long discovery of who I was. I made myself some friends and enrolled in college. In this picture, Shawn and I were still pretty new, I was in my first year of college. At that time I was finally coming into myself; I was figuring out who I was and I didn't hate the person I was becoming. Oh, and I had lost a whole wack load of weight and I felt GOOD! I had plans, I had friends, and I had a very cute guy who treated me wonderful.

By the end of my first year of college I had gained 15lbs. Late nights, crappy school convience food, a new relationship - I probably would have been closer to 20lbs heavier if it weren't for smoking and 'needing' to nip out for a smoke instead of snack. Before school started I had lost a HUGE amount of weight in a very unhealthy manner, so it shouldn't have been a surprise.



Christmas-time 2009 -aprox 180lbs



I got pregnant halfway through my second year of college and graduated another 15lbs heavier. I couldn't even tell you how much I gained during my pregnancy because it upset me how big I was getting. I told the nurses just to not tell me. After Trent was born, I lost a lot of weight very quickly. The stress with having Trent so early, long days spent in the hospital, and that new Mama hormones that tell you to do everything in your power to fend for your baby, even at the expense of yourself. When he finally came home and we started to settle into a routine, the weight started creeping back. It was winter, I had a sick baby who couldn't go where a lot of people would be; we stayed home on the couch most days. For a lot of woman, breastfeeding is the greatest diet in the world. Not me. Breastfeeding made me hungry. So there I was getting fatter on the couch, with a tiny needy baby stuck to my boobs, eating a bowl of smart food popcorn and WABAM! I had lost myself again. 

Christmas 2010 - 162lbs

It's taken me 2 years this time. To pick myself back up and start to rediscover who I am. This is a process like nothing I've ever gone through before. Before it seemed almost easy to figure out my wants and likes and needs, but now I have to consider myself in this revolving universe of my little family. I'm figuring out who I am in and out of my role as mother. I might not ever be considered skinny or a 'nummy mommy'. I''m ok with that. But I do want to be healthy. I want to hike mountains again, this time with my son. I want to run and jump and play with my boy. I'm getting there, little bit by little bit - one day soon I'll look in the mirror and be pleasantly surprised to see my best friend, role model and personal cheerleader looking back from my own eyes.